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Do you ever feel like life is spinning out of control and you are losing it?
If the answer to that question is no, then you probably don’t need to read my blog anymore. In fact could you email me with all your secrets?
I feel like life is spinning out of control more than I care to admit.
I have discovered through much introspection over the years that I crave control. Yeah I know, shocking to anyone who ever knew me growing up. Yes, I like to be in charge and always have, but life spinning out of control thing is something more than just being in charge and making decisions.
As an adult when I feel like I have absolutely no control over anything happening in my life I have a tendency to lose it. All I want is too curl up into a ball or throw a massive temper tantrum until somehow I find control again over something, anything in my life. It’s hard to admit, but on occasion I have lost it resulting in a puddle of tears or even worse, falling into a catatonic state, or worse yet yelling at my husband.
I do believe this need for some control in life may be one of the reasons I am good at organizing.
Organizing and tidying up spaces is one way I find control in a very uncontrollable world.
I remember many days when my youngest was about 8 months old feeling completely overwhelmed.
Work was for lack of better words, “a hot mess.”
We were undergoing leadership changes, my job, which I used to love and find predictable, was anything but predictable. When 4:30 hit I would head home only to be greeted by an 8 month old who would scream non-stop. It seemed it was her only way of communicating and no one knew what she wanted. Over time the screaming turning into screeching and was louder and shriller.
This went on for months all while Brian’s shift switched from days to nights. Have you ever tried to keep a small child quiet during the day so someone who works nights can get much needed sleep?
Well, if not, trust me, it’s stressful.
Needless to say I was hanging on by a thread. I can handle some chaos, but when both work and home are spinning wildly out of control I cannot handle it. (There may have been a few moments that when my husband woke up in the afternoon he found me on the back porch with my head in my lap just crying as the screeching continued from the kitchen).
Luckily, over the years I have found some coping mechanisms for when this happens.
I have recently begun starting my day with prayer and a gratitude journal.
Starting my day being centered in what really matters and finding at least one thing from the day before to be grateful for has proven to be a game changer.
The other thing I try to do most mornings is workout (whether it is a group fitness course, running or yoga).
I cannot stress enough what exercise does for my sanity.
I think it is fair to say that I am positively addicted to the endorphins from working out, which makes it hard for me to understand why everyone hasn’t joined the bandwagon for this free, harmless (in fact beneficial) drug. This doesn’t make every day perfect and doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like I’m losing it, but it certainly helps to keep me centered.
I like to think of prayer, my gratitude journal and exercise as extra deposits into my patience savings account.
To get through a difficult day or handle difficult people you may need more patience than is allotted for that day. Some of us, the lucky ones, are born patient and can get by just fine on their normal daily deposit. Some of us, need all the extra patience we can get. I’m not what you would call the most patient person. In fact still to this day any time I hear the word patience I recite a phrase I heard my mother say every day of my childhood.
“Patience is a virtue Megan…..work on it.”
Yes, Mom I’m still working on it.
So for me any deposits I can make in my patience savings account is a good thing. Prayer, gratitude, exercise, yep they all give me some nice deposits into the patience account before I’ve even talked to a single person that day.
Now as for that working out bit there are days that I don’t work out at all and days that I can’t get my work out in, in the morning.
On especially difficult days if I missed my workout Brian, God bless him, knows exactly what I need. If I come home in a mood, he will insist I go for a run. Somedays I get angry because I assume he just doesn’t want to talk to me or hear about my day (this could be true too), and somedays he literally has to kick me out of the house.
But you know what, he’s never been wrong in what he did.
Each and every time he has forced me out the door to run or go to the gym it was exactly what I needed and he knew it. I, inevitably, come back a more centered person who can calmly have a conversation and resume my role as a productive member of our family.
I very much appreciate my husband and how well he knows me, even better than I know myself somedays.
It is completely normal to have those moments and days when you “lose” it.
In fact I think the people who “lose” it and are willing to admit it are the strongest people.
In a world inundated with social media where everyone appears to be perfect (truthfully because that’s really the only side they share on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.) sometimes it is even harder to admit we’re not perfect.
I can tell you I am far from perfect. I am a work in progress and will be until the day that I die. Be strong, be willing to admit that you are not perfect, you have bad days and you may not always have it all together for your family, your friends, your colleagues, but make a promise that you will never stop trying to be your best self, which is very different than perfection.
What strategies do you have to keep from “losing” it? How do you plan to work on being your best self?
How do you make deposits into the patience savings account? What strategies have you found for keeping your cool?